Note: This post is refelctive in nature and has absolutely no fun stories or cool pictures. Sorry for being lame.
A new school year always brings about change.
But unlike American schools, Korean schools begin their new year in March.
Which meant that towards the end of February, I particpated in the kindergarten graduation ceremony for London class. It was suitably adorable, as one would expect from a kindergarten graduation, and I was forever memorialized in the dozens of photos that were taken of me and the students that day.
BUT.
Less than 48 hours later I had new students, a new classroom, a new schedule, and a new co-teacher. Aside from the physcial building, I can't think of a single thing that stayed the same for me from the 2021 school year to the 2022 school year. In addition, several of the foreign teachers that I was close to did not return to teach for the 2022 school year.
That is A LOT of change.
In a REALLY short amount of time.
And it landed squarely in the lap of someone who possess a particular dislike for rapid change.....in all things.
The month of March was a particularly hard one for me. Work was, lor lack of a better way to put it, THE WORST. I was very unhappy.
The new kindergarten class I started teaching in March had a lower English level than I was used to. When I started teaching London last July, their level was classified as 7-4. My current class, Venice Class, has a level of 6-3. They are a full year younger, which makes a very big difference at this stage of life. I had adopted a teaching style suited for older children and very quickly realized that the same methods were not going to work for younger students.
Just one more thing I would have to change.
My school also changed a few other administrative things as well. I have more teaching hours per day, more homework to grade, more progress reports to write...just more, more of everything.
In January, I had planned to extend my contract by an extra 7 months; essentially until the end of the 2022 school year. This would put my position back on the main intake cycle for foreign teachers, which would be easier for my school than trying to hire someone to replace me in June. It would also give me more time to travel around Korea, and hopefully Asia, as quarantine restrictions started to roll back.
However, if there had been an easy way to do it, I most likely would've quit at the end of March. But since my visa is tied into my teaching contract, there is no easy way to quit and leave early. I would have had to sacrifice things like severence pay and compensation for the flight home. But I thought about it EVERY day.
After several agonizing weeks of internal debate, I ultimately decided not to extend my contract. Well, not by much anyway. I had a talk with the director of my school and determined I would stay until the end of August, which is the end of the first semester. And she graciously agreed to extend my contract by another two months after that so that I could travel a bit before I returned home.
It is now the beginning of June, and I can tell you that sometimes it is a struggle knowing that I still have 3 months of teaching left. My heart is simply not in it.
As I mentioned in earlier posts, I knew very early on that teaching was not for me. I had found ways to make it work, but with all the changes brought about by the new school year I felt like I lost my footing.
My new students are good kids, probably better behaved than my old class actually, but the bond I felt with the students in my last class has not replicated itself with my new students. They are a particularly clingy bunch and, if I'm honest, the amount of emotional support they need is both staggering and exhausting.
Being a natural overachiever and chronic people pleaser, I dislike the feeling that I am not giving 100% to my job. So, am I working hard and stressed about a job that I hate?
Yes. Yes I am.
It's....frustrating to say the least.
I think the real problem is that my apathy towards my job is bleeding into my life in Korea outside of school. My job wears me down, making me want to isolate and sleep away all my weekends. If I can muster up the energy, I still quite enjoy getting out and exploring Korea, but it is harder and harder to convince myself to do it.
Knowing I am running down the clock till I leave Korea doesn't help this feeling that I should be doing more with my time here and not just shutting myself away in my apartment.
When I get overwhelmed, I have to remind myself that this is temporary. This is only one chapter in my life, and there are lessons I am only able to learn and understand because of my time here. I repeat this to myself over and over again until I can see my way out of the gloom and remember that I have seen some incredible things and met some even more incredible people during my time here.
Those of you who made it this far in the post should be congratulated!
Reading the emotionally fueled ramblings of a burnt out English teacher in South Korea is not for the faint of heart.
I will make it up to you soon with a semi-exciting post about what I have been up to in Daegu over the past few months to help keep myself distracted from my new work reality.
Stay tuned!
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